I also want to say that things are coming into focus for me that I had never realized before. It is an amazingly scary journey.
It has been a few weeks since I posted. I have been busy. "Busy" can be used to describe so many different types of situations and happenings. So, I will simply say "busy."
So, I am wondering along the path of not so submissiveness, trying to figure myself and my BDH out. While wondering, I tripped over a log that was a moment of realization. I was actually having submissive tendencies at a very young age. I can remember as young as eight years old that I was showing signs of it. It just took me about twenty years to understand what it was. My reaction to this metaphorical log was fear. How can I be submissive?? I am a strong independent woman! No!!! This isn't me!!! This is not something that I naturally learn towards! I went through several days of confused denial.
And yet another log in my path...
I have an ankle bracelet with bells on it. I have had it for years. I bought it in my very early teens because I thought it was beautiful and sexy. I ran across it in my jewelry box a few days ago. I just stood there and stared at it, because now I know what it means to wear it. Before, I just felt a strong pull towards it. I took it to BDH, who was not even surprised I had it Apparently, BDH understood things about me a long time before I did.
It can be a scary journey. Lots of things can into focus for me when we started ttwd and especially when I started blogging. Some I am still wrestling with... The self discovery path has lots of logs :)
ReplyDeleteHello tkc,
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and have enjoyed reading your honestly and insights sprinkled with humor. I understand your feelings. Think process - it takes awhile to get to where you want yourself to go. Affirm for yourself the progress you have made and be proud (yikes.. unexpected alliteration!) of yourself for looking within. And then there's always my escape clause stolen from Dangerfield "It ain't easy bein' me!"