changes

A couple of months ago I found myself unexpectedly laid off. This was undoubtably one of the best things that has happened for my physical and mental health, and my marriage. My Beloved Hubby has some serious health problems which severely limit the activities he is able to preform around the house, and cause him to often need my help with his daily routine. I do the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, lawn care, grocery shopping, ironing, and routinely drive my Hubby to various doctors appointments. Please understand, before I go any further, I really love the man more than I can say.

When I am working, and doing all the above mentioned activities, and caring for my husband, something really awful happens. I stress. I am overwhelmed. I turn into a control freak, because if anything does not go exactly as planned, I am frantically trying to play catch up for days. I have no time for myself. Everything in my life suffers, including my Husband and my marriage. I am not able to relax enough to enjoy sex because I have no time to relax. When I fall into bed after literally having 18 hours of continuous, non stop activity, the last thing I want to do is be intimate. And I absolutely, positively, cannot stand having anyone try to tell me what to do during this whole mess, because I am so busy trying to keep all the plates juggling in the air. My submission, sweetness, and softness fly out the window. Its awful.

I knew that I would eventually have to find a new job, and the staying at home, keeping my house, cooking, and curling up watching TV with Hubby was not going to last. It seems that my returning to the working world is rapidly approaching. I am just terrified. I really do not have any idea how I am going to manage it. I received a call about a job that seems promising. I have had chest pain since then. My Husband has been so kind and sensitive about my feelings. If there was any possible way I could continue to be a stay at home wifey, we would both jump on it. However, it appears, at least for now, there is not...